Billy: Somebody pit somethin’ in ma drink. Ah wis
spiked ken?
Cat: I’m sorry. He’s from Scotland. That’s how they talk.
Anyway, Billy was at this party and who should walk in but his ex…
Billy: Ma ex aye…
Cat: Now Billy’s had a few drinks and he doesn’t want a row
so he does what any man would.
Billy: Aye, ah went upstairs an’ pit ma pal’s ma’s clobber
on eh? Turned masel’ intae a braw lady so ah did. Then ah went tae the tap o’
the stairs and told Gina she couldnae talk tae Billy nae mair ‘cos Billy wisnae
here, just this beautiful lady. Ah felt…liberated. Like aw ma problems had jist
melte’t away. The looks on folk’s faces. It made me laugh. Ah wis free ken? Free. Then
ah fell doon the stairs an’ did a fair bit o' damage tae ma pal’s hall.
Cat: When he arrived at the station, he was agitated and
really quite aggressive with the arresting officer. He kept insisting that he
be searched only by a female officer because he was a lady. We kept telling him
that no one wanted to search him, but he wouldn’t take no for an answer. When his
Mum came to collect him there he was, torn dress, bruised and bloodied, make up all over his face with his wig looking like someone had duct taped a travesty
to a monster. “Billy! What happened?” cried his mum. And what did you say? What
did you say Billy?
Billy: Ah said, “Ah fell.”
Cat: Right then. That was when I knew.