#19 Glenda Vessles

See, the thing about Mineral Meditation is it centres you. Which is just what I need to help me pack in the shoplifting. I can’t be doing that anymore. Not these days. I used to be able to outrun security guards but not now. Not since the change.

Now what you’ll probably not know is that everyone has their own place on this scale called the ladder of souls. So what you do is you arrange your soul minerals in accordance with your place on the ladder. The more minerals you have the better it works obviously. What? No it’s not like Crystal Magic at all. Crystal Magic is completely different. And a load of rubbish I might add. Mineral Meditation on the other hand is completely authentic. Minerals come from the earth don’t they? And there’s nothing more real that dirt.

The therapist on my last stretch said that she thought that my shoplifting was about trying to steal back my youth. That I was subconsciously trying to steal a little thrill back from life that I felt had been taken from me. Sounds good eh? Isn’t true though. The truth is I do it for the kiddies. Not mine of course. Mine won’t speak to me. I mean the kiddies of all the folk I sell the stuff to. They must have kiddies, some of them. Don’t you think?