Imelda: So softly spoken and polite. Well, anyway, he came to give us a talk about Black and Satanic Metal and how Satan was the way forward and well, I just turned to Sadie and I said, I said, “Sadie, this is for me.” Did I not? Did I not say that Sadie?
Sadie: You said, “This is for me.”
Imelda: And that was that. From that moment, knitting just didn’t do the job. I resigned from the church and got straight into the Black Metal. Candlemass, Mayhem, Gorgoroth…
Sadie: I’m not so fond of the Norwegian stuff.
Imelda: Och away Sadie! That’s the blackest of all the Black Metal! Black! Like the vast emptiness at the heart of the cosmos! Black! Like the primeval essence at the centre of all humanity!
Sadie: Here she goes. Look Imelda lets not fall out about this. It’s all good. Hail Satan.
Imelda: Fine. Fine then.
Sadie: There are some drawbacks to it though. It’s hard for me to do the Satan Horns with my arthritis. Plus the warden at our sheltered housing is always moaning at us to turn down the music and to stop bothering other residents about Satan. But what are we supposed to do? We’ve got to harvest as many souls as we can for our Dark Master.
Imelda: It’s easier than you might imagine to get people to sign up. A lot of our neighbours have dementia.