Friday, 6 April 2012

#27 Kenny Fence

See, the more you have the more can go wrong. All it takes is for the dishwasher to pack in and your perfect little life just crumbles and falls crumbles and falls crumbles and falls. Not a lot of people realise this. They don’t realise why they are unhappy.  Why they are so tense. One minute everything is fine the next a light bulb pops and you’re shouting and smashing and you can’t stop. You can’t stop. You don’t know how to stop. It’s all a house of cards.
So yeah, stand-up can be tough. I remember one time I did a show when no-one laughed. I’m not talking about when they don’t listen. That happens all the time. This was different. Everyone listened. You could have heard a pin drop. But no-one laughed. I later found out they were all from Norway. Norway. Funny story right? Wasn’t funny when I was up there. The longest 10 minutes of my life. Afterwards they apologised. Apologised for not laughing. They were so pleasant and polite. I don’t know why that made me so angry but it did. Still, it was no excuse for what I did to their mini-bus.
After that I had to go to hospital for a while because I couldn’t stop thinking about how someone or something was stealing all my time. Where does it go? Have you ever thought about that? I couldn’t stop. When they found me in the park, I’d been running in nothing but a bed sheet for three days. I was lucky they managed to save my feet. Anyway, long story short, I work up at Gigglemouse Castle now. I do matinee shows for the kids. I thought it would be easier and in some ways it is. Most of them can’t throw very well. But the sound of a room full of kids booing stays with you. Stays with you when you’re doing that thing you used to call sleep. I wonder what time it is. Do you have the time?

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